Beautiful birds! They remind me of Nora Batty.
How can you say that?
If they had wrinkled necks they'd remind you of her!
True, Norm.
I have to hand it to you, you've always had bad taste in women.
What would life be without a ferret or a female?
In YOUR hands, they've often been practically indistinguishable.
Is he getting at me? Don't ask me.
I can't distinguish anything until the sky clears. Fair enough.
He's had some weird women! I have.
None of your run-of-the-mill, standard... Good-looking variety.
No. I've always gone for... Weight lifters? ..Character!
He's certainly had some characters! What happened to Rosalie?
She went off to live with a bloke in Spain who had a bar.
If it was an iron bar, I expect she was going to bend it for him.
The way she used to drink! Can you imagine her loose in a bar?
Cor, she could drink, an' all ! You know, she were a fourteen pinter!
You could tell that by her size.
If she's in Spain, they'll think we've handed back Gibraltar.
Come here... Come on.
Good girl.
I think they're a strange breed. HIS women certainly are.
No, I mean women generally.
You never see them play with trains. A lot of them didn't even like the Goon Show.
How can you trust people who didn't like the Goon Show?
You're always miles away, Barry.
How can I be? I'm driving. Exactly!
It's disturbing being driven by someone miles away.
Did you see who that was? Who what was?
There you go! You miss everything. You're miles away!
Go on. Break the suspense. Who was it?
It were Howard and Marina. YOU'D never be unfaithful, would you, Barry?
I haven't even got a bicycle.
They saw us! I don't think so, Howard.
I bet they're on the phone to Pearl right now. I hope she's engaged!
You were turned away. They never saw your face.
They saw my knees. I've got very distinctive knees.
You said you wanted to tell the whole world the way you feel about me.
Well, I want to tell everyone but Pearl.
You said you didn't care if the whole world knew.
You said that with your head on my blouse as if you meant it!
You know I go to pieces then.
It's not fair to hold a person accountable for what he says with his head on your...blouse.
Where does tha think it's going?
London, probably.
'Ey up! That's some fancy kite.
Well, they ARE, these days.
We used to make ours of bits and pieces. They flew, though!
What used to amaze me was how, suddenly, it was kite-flying season.
Overnight, kites would appear.
Same with marbles. One day, nothing. The next day, it was the marble season.
Marbles used to appear mysteriously at a certain time of the year. Where did they come from?
From the little shop in Hebden Street.
No, it's not as simple as that. There's some magic force that introduces marbles annually.
There's nothing supernatural about marbles.
No, and there's no special date for the start of the marble season. But every year, up it comes!
What do YOU think, boy with the woolly hat? Are marbles metaphysical, or what?
I wouldn't mind having a bash at making a kite.
D'you know...
..sometimes I look at Barry, and I think, "Why are men so...different?"
From the human race? I know what you mean.
They never grow up. Turn your back, and they're out playing!
It's what they're out playing with that worries me.
..They're heart-breaking if you run a business.
I mean, you try to make things nice, and then they come clumping in.
I don't know what it is, but men do things with paper napkins that you wouldn't believe.
Mine's only happy covered in oil and grease.
Barry sits for hours, just staring into space.
I say, "What are you thinking?"
He says things like, "Do you know how much the sea is eroding the coast around Mablethorpe?"
Does he LIKE Mablethorpe? Not particularly.
We prefer Skegness.
Well, when I say "we", I mean "me". Howard can never make up his mind.
That can make you WILD. You ask, "Would you like a biscuit?"
Then you're stuck with a plate in your hand, and they can't make up their minds!
It might help if they had one to make up.
How badly IS the sea eroding the coast around Mablethorpe?
I'll ask Barry. Don't trouble him specially!
It's no trouble.
I'm not having any of my family NOT telling friends how badly the coast is eroding at Mablethorpe.
It's wonderful when you think of all the useless information men fill their heads with.
It's what they do best!
That, and playing with trains.
Faster, faster!
Launch!
Did it fly? ..Did it fly?
Did it fly(?) That'll never fly! Well, of course it will fly!
It needs more speed, that's all.
Don't look at me! I was on full boost and afterburner!
I vote we go and have a bevvy!
We are going to fly a kite. Seymour has spoken.
How!
Glenda, how IS your Barry?
It's not always that easy to tell.
How's he doin' at work? Has he been promoted?
We're confident he's on the verge.
He's BRIGHT enough... when he wants to be.
They need someone behind them. You can't leave them on their own. They need to be DRIVEN.
You should try driving mine.
There's something wrong with his steering.
Have you tried sulking? I mean really SERIOUS sulking?
Keep it up for about a week. That works wonders!
Barry wouldn't notice. He gets lost in his book, and that's it.
Ooh! There's no good comes from books.
What Barry needs is the example of someone who had a successful life.
He should spend more time with your Uncle Seymour. HE knows about ambition and responsibility.
If only Barry could mould himself on your Uncle Seymour!
Right! Keep your eye on the kite, and keep the string taut.
Are we ready...? GO !!
Launch!
You twit!
INAUDIBLE CHATTER
Glenda thinks I should more ambitious.
Were YOU ambitious, Mr Pegden?
I was, lad.
Ever since I can remember,
I always had this burning ambition to own a good socket set.
A really...COMPREHENSIVE socket set.
Glenda thinks I should be more...pushy.
I'll tell you what I've learned about ambition.
I used to SALIVATE over this socket set.
I used to lie awake in my bedroom, poring over catalogues.
I used to dream of socket sets.
I used to window shop.
Of course, that was before I met Mrs Pegden.
She was never very big at staring at socket sets.
But finally, one birthday, there it were, in its own, undented, blue metallic box.
Me socket set!
Nice! Very!
I used to turn the bedroom light on at night, just to have a look at it.
But it wears off.
Barry, what I'm telling you is, even if you get to be Chairman...
..it's just another socket set.
If Glenda and her mother start on at me again, can I quote you?
NO !! I'll have to stop confiding in you if you turn out to be a blabbermouth.
I wonder what some people did before cars were invented?
I wouldn't mind if it were CARS mine tinkered with.
At least he doesn't spread his work over your polished surfaces.
I know it's hard work on these hills, love,
but we can be alone up here.
I'll say this much for romance... it takes your breath away!
It's out here, among the glories of nature, that we can be really ALONE...
Just the thing!
Can we borrow you? I was asking her the way back to town...!
SHE knows the way back to town!
Oooo...! Norman Clegg!
Don't let her get near me!
She's game, that Marina. I wonder what sign she were born under?
It wasn't "No Trespassing", that's for sure.
Just follow it down the slope. Down the slope? The brakes aren't too good.
But you'll be on grass, not a road.
They'll be good on grass. They've practised enough.
What if we decided not to do it? What if WE decided not to forget we'd seen you up here with Marina?
We'll do it, we'll do it. Off we go! ..Oh, Marina!
Oh, Howard!
Right... Off you go!
LAUNCH !
My brakes!
Marina!
My brakes have gone!
Will you come back ?!
We'll try again.
Where are you going?
Get out of my wa-a-a-y!!
Get out of the way! I can't stop!
I'll fly it, if it kills me!
It almost killed ME. I can taste yesterday's dinner.
I telled thee, it's not going to fly.
If the Wright brothers can do it, so can I !
Who were the Wright brothers? They made bicycles.
That fly? More or less.
RUN!
All right! We'll make a bigger one! And more like a bicycle!
Ah, Wesley! Just the man! Hello, Barry.
I'm busy! This won't take long. I've drawn you a simple diagram.
You'll like this, it'll be a change.
Sometimes you get on my wick!
This one will fly. I've calculated this one down to the last detail.
Not only are you a pillock... The crosspiece should be strong, but extremely light.
..But you're apparently deaf! Ha-ha! I'll leave this with you.
Come on! Chop, chop!
I suppose you all want coffee? Any biscuits?
Does he make crumbs? Oh, yes! Don't give him any biscuits.
It's like being in a sand-storm!
No biscuits. I'll wait outside...
No, you'll wait in here. Edith wants you, don't you, Edith?
Er, well...I don't....er... If they...er...absolutely, if...
Look! I've been wanting to see you about Barry.
Sir James Barrie? Your nephew Barry! Barry who married Glenda!
..Oh! THAT Barry...
BARRY!
It's far too big!
What have you done, Wesley? I gave you the measurements.
I followed the measurements. You followed them in metres. I put them in feet.
Well, I don't normally work in metres,
but I felt a know-it-all silly twonk like you was bound to work in metres.
Can you hear this? Suddenly, it's MY fault!
That sounds a reasonable assumption, Seymour.
It's never going to fly!
Ah! Don't start that again!
Oh, it wants to fly! You can feel it!
Oh, we're on to something here! You're right on my foot!
Leaders are always treading on people's feet.
It's superb! I'm glad now that I asked Wesley to make it in metres.
Crackers!
Right! Now, lift it!
Underneath, underneath, underneath. Well done!
Well done... Now! Right!
I think this will do. We'll start from here.
Here's the plan. The plan! Aaaargh! The plan!
If I fall into enemy hands, I shall reveal all under torture.
I shan't wait for fingernails. One arm up my back will be enough.
Now, Barry will start running with the string, and we'll follow with the kite. Got that?
Are you holding it properly, Barry?
How many ways can you hold a string?
Save your breath. He never listens.
Now... When we get sufficient speed,
we launch the kite, and Barry will continue running.
Then we shall watch it go higher and higher!
THEY IMITATE SEYMOUR Are you holding it properly, Barry?
Right, Barry, when I signal, start running.
How far?
Never mind how far! We'll say when it's far enough.
Don't forget to write!
Right, off you go!
Faster, lad!
Right!
When I signal, we throw the kite in the air.
Oh, what the devil are you doing, Barry?
He's holding his ankle.
TOGETHER: Are you holding it properly, Barry?
I wonder what Barry's DOING? Don't worry, he's with your Uncle Seymour.
He's very reliable, our Seymour. You only have to look at his shirts.
You can see they've hardly been lived in.
I don't know what your father does with his!
I mean, he wears overalls! How can you get shirts this colour when they're buried under overalls?
I shall have to do that one again.
I hope they're not leading Barry into anything. He's a bit easily led.
You can have every confidence in Seymour. That's more than my father has.
Your father feels somewhat overawed at Uncle Seymour's level of education.
He never looks overawed to me. He just looks stunned.
All right, Barry, launch it!
Pathetic! No coordination! Did somebody call?
We need more speed! I'm not going faster! I'm not a flying welly!
We COULD give it up. A small inner voice keeps saying, "Give it up. Give it up."
It's Barry. He didn't throw it high enough. It's a lot of kite for someone who works in an office!
We need more SPEED ! You keep saying that!
Stop interrupting and let me think!
Ah !
We need more speed!
..Oh!
I don't know why you're worried. He's in Uncle Seymour's hands. I had this premonition.
GRINDS GEARS
She shouldn't worry about Barry. She should worry about your driving!
GEARS GRIND AGAIN It's this damned stick. It'd be all right but for that.
Tha's getting it, Barry! Keep it up!
Don't trail it on the floor!
Makes you glad to be alive, eh?
It's a wild-goose chase. There'll be nothing wrong when we find them.
They were coming in this direction.
Then why are WE going all over the place?
I told you, it's this stick thing!
I just hope he's all right.
You'll have to leave him sometimes to mix with the right people...
..IF you want him to go up in the world!
HE SCREAMS
BARRY !
LOUD SHOUT: Are you holding it properly, Barry?
I don't know WHY Glenda should assume it was my fault.
I never asked him to get airborne.
They could have given us a lift. Yes, that was a bit thoughtless.
They went off so quick, I never got a chance to upset Nora Batty!
She mustn't take it personally.
I've never seen Barry look so white. It's hard to believe how white a person can go.
He must have been breaching a mass of modern legislation.
Edith wanted to give me a lift, but Glenda took up too much room straightening Barry.
He got up smoothly enough. It was the coming down he made a right bog-hole of.
You'd think the coming down would be easier.
It opens up all sorts of possibilities, doesn't it?
To think that with the aid of this little thing, we could be airborne whenever we wanted!
I rather like the idea of soaring over these hills.
I think we're on to something. Who-o-a!
Whoo! Oh, no! Arghhh...
TOGETHER: Are you holding it properly, Seymour?!
Subtitles by Martin Davies, 1989